The beauty of the vast blue ocean

I love the ocean. I love its vastness, it lovely hue, the never ending waves, the lovely breeze that comes along with it.. I love it all. Close your eyes and imagine this scenario.. (oopsie.. don't close your eyes as yet .. wait till you get to read the scenario) A dark night, not many stars around, not because the sky is cloudy, but because it's a full moon day and the sheer brightness of the moon is shadowing the brightness of the stars. You are sitting on the beach (facing the sea), legs stretched out, relaxedly, one hand holding your beloved's and the other playing randomly with the sand, while your eyes are mesmerized at the beautiful image of the full moon on the soothing sea.. my my .. what a lovely scene.. brimming with love and happiness. That's how beautiful the sea is..

My son studies in one of the best schools I've ever seen. Best in their approach to education. They believe in raising children to be good citizens along with educating them with the help of a well chosen curriculum. As a part of their homework, they were supposed to pick a heritage/landmark of the city, visit it, list three things good about, list anything they didn't like about it and illustrate their vision of bettering the place. Like you must have guessed by now, we went to the beach. The first thing my son said he liked about it was the blue water and its vastness.

By now, I'm tuned to his thinking and I know what would come next. "Ma, why is it blue". Luckily, this time he was so preoccupied with his pails of wet sand and his sand castles that maybe he put away that question for now. Heaving a big sigh of relief, I googled at once to prepare myself for the imminent debacle. (Oh, by now I include the google brothers in my daily prayers, where I ask the God almighty to bless them with a long long life for having helped me and the many other parents-with-well-inquisitive-children)

What most of us think as the answer to this question, is, "It reflects the color of the sky". If that be the case, then the ocean must be red and orange during sunrise and sunset, grey when it is cloudy. We should be seeing white patches from the white clouds all over the sea. I don't think that is. So, something else must be at play here.

Using the well acquired knowledge from the previous post, one could say, water absorbs all the colours of the sunlight except blue and reflects only blue. Sounds good enough. If that be the case, why isn't the water in a bucket, collected from the sea, blue? Why is it colourless? Or for that matter, why is the water in a glass colourless? What exactly is happening out here?

Apparently, pure water lets out a slight blue colour. ( absorbs all other colours and let's out a faint blue) But, inorder to be able to see that colour, you need a water column of atleast 1 m length. Which is why huge bodies of water are blue, wherein the water in a glass isn't. And when I read further, I learnt that the colour reflected is not due the vibrations of the electrons, like we learnt in the last post, but vibrations of the bond between oxygen and hydrogen. Water is made up of two hydrogen atoms sharing an oxygen atom. Thereby resulting in two hydrogen-oxygen bonds.Apparently, it's the vibration of these bonds that result in the light blue hue which goes undetectable in small quantities.

While that's the explanation, I kept it small and simple with my son. I told him glass of water just lets out small amount of blue, and when there is a huge amount of water, the little blue lights all add up together to make the mighty blue. He gave me the 'aaha' smile and I gave myself a pat on the shoulder.

In my early school days, the most repeated diagram involving the sea was the water cycle diagram. Remember? Water evaporates from the sea. Water vapour being warm rises up. ( denoted by red upward arrows) And as it rises up, it gets colder and forms rain clouds. When the rain clouds have collected enough water vapour, they pour it out as rain.. and the cycle continues. Water changes from liquid to gas state at 100C and we call it the boilling point of water. And any sane person knows not to put his/her hand in the water when it is boiling to avoid scalding. But still, we touch the water in the sea, and it isn't hot. So how does  water change its state? How does the water cycle work? What went amiss?

The process of converting water from liquid state to vapor state is called vaporization. And vaporization happens in two ways. Evaporation and boiling. What happens in the water cycle is called evaporation and it happens at normal temperature. What happens when we boil water on a stove top while seeing lots of bubbles and 100C is boiling of water. Another important difference being while boiling, the entire liquid, that is, even the bottom layers get the energy to change phase to water vapor,which is why you see bubbles rising from the bottom of the pan. Wherein, during evaporation only the top layer changes phase.

You know water is h20 ( read it as ehhch-two-oh ), meaning two hydrogen atoms attached to an oxygen atom. Water has something called intermolecular hydrogen bonding, as in, bonds between two molecules of water. What happens is oxygen of molecule_one of water, bonds itself with two hydrogen atoms of other molecules. The hydrogen atoms of molecule_one bonds itself with one two other oxygen atoms. Thereby resulting in one water molecule being attached through hydrogen bonds with 4 other water molecules ( oxygen1 attached to hydrogen2 and hydrogen3 and hydrogen1 attached to oxygen4 and the other hydrogen1 attached to oxygen5) Lot of bonds right? So, in order to be able to convert phase and enter into gaseous state, these hydrogen bonds must be broken. That's a whole lot of work, meaning a whole lot of energy required to break so many bonds.... Which is why the boiling point of water is high. However, at normal temperature, a little heat is all that is required to break the hydrogen bonds at the surface of the water (sea in our case) to let them escape into the air, thereby beginning the water cycle.

That's why though the sea is not boiling hot, water at the top layer converts to water vapor and brings

us rain eventually. That's settled. Talking of water, and it's change of state, do you know why ice floats on water? Why is it less dense? The credit goes the intermolecular hydrogen bonds again. While in liquid form, the molecules have energy enough to move and slide across one another, where one hydrogen bond is broken while the other is made, enabling free flow. However, when it begins to freeze. the energy is lost and the molecules lose free movement. Hence, the molecules decide that they have to optimally arrange themselves into a convenient form once and for all. We know the hydrogen bonds cause each water molecule to be attached to 4 other water molecules. So, while freezing up, these molecules arrange themselves to form a tetrahedral structure such that the molecules are conveniently far from each other ( so that the like-charged-oxygens are far from each other .. cause like charges repel) Thus, they are placed farther apart than they would be in liquid water. Hence the less density. Hence the floating.

Ice is colourless right? Who knows why the snow is white? Actually, if you look at ice closely, you will find it murky.. You wont be able to see through it, however it would give you a hazy view of the other end. What happens here is that the ice bends the light that it transmits. Hence ice appears transparent , but murky. Now snow is made up of tiny tiny particles of ice. So when llight passes through one particle of ice, the light that comes out is bent and when it enters the next ice particle, bent a little further.. as so on... that finally the light is all bent back at us.. thus reflecting it back at our eye giving us the feel of white. Tadaaaa..

Wow, we've learnt so much today. Isn't it? I started the post with an account of how romantic the sea could be.. Then we learnt somethings related to water, to the sea. I have to mention this one other thing. From when I was a kid, I loved the beach, the sea and the waves. Beach was my favourite go to place. One day, (I distinctly remember,) I fought with my best friend, and I was soo upset. My mom was worried about me and with the intent to cheer me up, took me to the beach. I sat quietly on the sand and was staring into the sea. I watched the waves go back and forth and started wondering why the waves went back and forth. What did they take from the shore, and why they left it at the centre of the ocean and came back. And suddenly, I heard a voice in my head," it is taking your sorrows away little one and leaving it far away from you". I felt a surge of energy first, then my heart felt light, my smile returned, and my mom heaved a sigh of relief.  From that day, till today, I go to the beach whenever I feel the slightest disturbance. And the sea hasn't failed me since. That, I feel, is the real beauty of the vast blue sea..

Why is the sky blue... et al.

We all know the sky is blue. It is pretty obvious isn't it? But three days back, when my son added a 'why' to that pretty obvious statement, and looked at me with big curious eyes, I realized that I didn't know the answer to a question about something that has been over my head all my life. How ignorant could I  have been!! The conversation went like this ..

My 5 year old son : Ma, today it's so hot. See how blueeee the sky is. But ma, why is it blue?
I : It's blue because... because.... ( oh dear, I don't know.. why don't I know... and as an attempt to save face I end up saying ) .... hmm .... baby, what did you learn in school today. Tell me, what did dhiya and prithvi tell you today?
Son : Ma, school was fine. My friends are good. Will you look it up on 'gggooogle' and tell me later?
I :  .....

And the very second I got some free time, I picked up my phone and 'googled' - "why is the sky blue" ... And I read extensively.  One thing led to another and I learnt a lot of fascinating things. ( Don't worry, I think i'll split all the fascinating things into two posts) 

Before we even get on to the why is the sky blue , let's think on this first :  What governs an object's colour ? What if someone asked you,  "Why is a banana yellow?", what would you say? Take a break now, compose your answer and then read ahead. The best answer I could've come up with would've been ,"because.. its skin has yellow pigment". That's all. But, what is that yellow pigment? Why certain pigments and dyes give off certain colour. I drew a blank.

Time to put on our thinking hats (I was tempted to say sorting hats, coz it's the Harry Potter season.. But hey, let's focus ). Keeping the color aside for a moment, what do we need inorder to see things ? We need light to fall on the object and illumiate it. We need an eye to interpret the light that reaches it after illuminating the object. And goes without saying, (as the eye is doing the interpretation), the light has to be in the visible range of the spectrum. So when visible light falls on the banana, and reflects off it and reaches my eye, my eye sees an image of the banana and projects it to the brain. 

And right in between those sequence of events, ( after the light reaches the banana,)  the banana absorbs all the colors of visible light except yellow, thereby reflecting off yellow light, that alone reaches the eye. The brain with the help of the eye, interprets the colour to be yellow. Hence, the yellow banana. Which inevitably brings us to the next question. Why does banana reflect yellow and absorb every other colour? ( when will these nested why questions end? This is how it must feel inside my son's head)

Rather, why do certain objects absorb certain colors and reflect certain other colors. When light falls on an object, the light is either absorbed, reflected or transmitted through. Who or what do you think decides the fate of the incident light? It is the atoms or molecules that make up the object.

Objects are made up different types of molecules and molecules maybe made up of different types of atoms. Atoms could be further broken down into protons electrons and neutrons . Our focus now being on the electrons which are not so tightly bound to be nucleus. Let's say it's like binding a ball to a point with a spring. So the electrons can move up and down. And electrons tend to have their natural frequency of vibration. This natural frequency is the signature of the electrons in the particular type of atom. 

Now each colour from the visible spectrum has a frequency of its own. If the frequency of the colour matches with the frequency of vibration of the electrons in that particular object, that excites the electron and sets it vibrating. As it moves , it collides with the other atoms and the energy is converted into heat/thermal energy. No light comes out. So we could say that particular colour was absorbed by the object.

If the incident coloured light's frequency doesn't match the natural vibrating frequency of the electrons, the electrons don't vibrate for long, but vibrate for a brief period and sometimes transmit the vibration to the neighbouring electrons. The vibration is passed along, and if this goes on, the light is transmitted out at the other end of the object.

However, sometimes, the energy is so insufficient that the electrons on the surface of the object vibrate for a brief period of time and re-emit the energy out of the surface, causing reflection. 

And because every type of an electron and hence an atom has an inherent frequency of vibration, it behaves uniquely when visible light falls on it. Some of them reflect and transmit certain colour lights. Would that imply, that we are equipped to answer the 'what is a pigment' question now? Yes, of course.  Pigment is a chemical that is capable of absorbing some colors and reflecting one or more of the colors in order to lend a certain shade to a certain object. Voila. Neat isn't it !

Back to the banana... Looks like the atoms in the banana absorb every other colour and reflect only yellow. Hence the colour. If all colours would've been absorbed, it would appear black. If all colours were transmitted, it would be transparent. If all the colours were reflected, it would appear white. Get the hang of it?

Wwooh... What a long piece of text before getting to 'the' question : why is the sky blue? Imagining sky as an object and extrapolating from what we've just learnt so far, you would be tempted to say, the atoms in the atmosphere absorb every other colour except blue. Hence the color blue. Right ? Actually, it's a bit more complicated than that.. Don't fret. The knowledge you have just acquired after reading so far is not wrong.( I agree, it sure is hard work. ) Just that it is a different story when it comes to the color of the sky. 

What should we know to be able to understand this story? One, the visible light is made of 7 colors and that each of that color has a wavelength of its own. (violet to red, in ascending order of wavelength) Two, the earth's atmosphere is made up of nitrogen and oxygen molecules, molecules which are very small. Both those sound trivial isn't it ( like my son puts it : easy peasy lemon squeezy ) 

When the light enters the atmosphere, all the other colors travel unhindered, however blue light which has small wavelength is scattered by the  small oxygen-and-nitrogen-molecules. The scattered blue light when it reaches the eye, lends the blue color to the sky. There we go !!!. (Save the question that might be bothering you now, for just a little while longer ) 

That explains the blue sky during the day. However, during Sunrise and sunset, the sky gets a nice red-orange tinge. How is that possible now? What happens to blue light then? During the sunrise or the sunset, the sun is far away from the earth ( as compared to where the sun is during the day) . So the light of the sun gets to travel longer and while doing so all the blue light is totally scattered and the remaining red and orange reach our eyes giving us the wonderful red hue.

Ding dong!! Time for the saved question. If the nitrogen and oxygen molecules affect only the low wavelengths , then what about violet ? Why isn't our sky violet or even blue-ish violet or violet-ish blue? Violet has an even smaller wavelength. Right ? Puzzling!! There's a two part answer to this question. I saw a very colorful graph while investigating this over the Internet about the proportion of the colors in the sun's light. Graphs rattle me a bit, so I'm going to leave it out of here. All it said was, there is less violet than blue in the light that comes from the sun. That's reason one. Reason two revolves around how our eye perceives colour. Apparently, our eye is more sensitive to blue than violet. 

The Retina in our eye has cells called cones that perceive color. And we have three types of cones, blue, green and red which are most sensitive to blue, green and red respectively. However each cone responds to a range of wavelengths. Again, there was a graph to explain that .. I'm skipping the graph. All you need to know is, the violet and indigo lights excite the blue and a little bit of red cones too. The blue light excites the blue as well and little of green cones too. So, when we look up at the sky, lot of blue cones get stimulated, some of green and some of red get simulated. Giving you the combination of blue and little white, the sky blue . Tadaaa!!! ( some red and some green and some blue, gives some white )

So, if the blue color of the sky is perceived in our eyes, it could very well mean that the animals and birds with a different eye structure could see the sky in a different color. How cool is that? A whole new different world out there for them. To support that theory, Did you know that when a honey bee looks at a flower, it can see something called nectar guide. That is, the portion of the flower that contains the nectar shows up highlighted. And that's because the honey bees can see ultraviolet. Buzzing brilliant I would say!! The beautiful ways of nature. 

From why is the sky blue, we have travelled a long way and reached a crossroad called "Is it really blue?". Well, you know what they say ," Color lies in the eye of the beholder". 

Perspective : The way you look at things

Perspective is a tricky concept. Everything looks different and justified ( well, not everything)  if you changed the perspective, the angle from which you look at things. You know, I have a friend, who is a problem-solver and a know-it-all. I think all of us would have one such friend, to whom we go to at the slightest hiccups in our life. Well, who am I to call a problem slight? It's all in one's perspective you see. Do you get it now? How big and vast this concept of a different perspective is... Oh shoot, wasn't I talking about my know-it-all-friend. Sorry I got lost in the perspective maze. The first thing she says to all sorts of issues is, "Try and look at it differently and from the other person's point of view. That by itself will solve most of your problems."

How true is that !! Now the thought for this entire post stems from this one forward

The person who forwarded it is a guy (obviously) and he said that he was feeling proud of all the husbands in the world and their unseen sacrifices.  After I read the forward, the first thing that came to my mind was, "why did the husband have to lie?" He could've told the wife the truth and that she needn't worry because he wouldn't let go of the other end of the bridge at any cost. Wouldn't that have made things easier for the both of them, thought I. And I was unable to see it any other way for quite quite sometime. 

Now, not wanting to hurt the feelings of the guy who had forwarded the text to me, I discussed it with my husband. My dear hubby said, "You are right dear. Why did he lie? I would've told you the truth and you would've trusted me and crossed over. Would've worked for us" After that, I was all the more confident that the husband in the forward was not a to-be-celebrated-man.

I happened to run into my know-it-all-friend a week from then and I brought this up among other things.  (simply because I love a good argument) As usual, she said, "Think from the guy's perspective. What do you think would be running in his mind?" I told her that I couldn't see it any different and asked her to 'enlighten' me. Now, what she said made my head reel.  

She said , "The  husband didn't want the wife to get worried about the broken bridge. Remember she was already scared  of heights and wasn't willing to cross a what she thought to be a good bridge earlier. What makes you think she will be able to cross a broken bridge?? Now, the husband wanted her to cross the bridge and come over to him. He cannot anyways leave his post and go to help her. And if he told her the truth she would never cross it (out of fear) and might lose the only chance of coming over to safety. So he had to assassinate the image she had of him, just to kindle her ego enough to let her cross the bridge on her own. That was the only way he could see it. So he lied to her."

That's it. I was open mouthed. Literally my mouth was open in shock, shock as to why I couldn't see that. Seems a very plausible and an obvious explanation. Why was I not able to see it? My friend shook me, and asked me if all was fine. 

I said, "See, I'm not a bad person. I'm not a biased person. I'm not a female chauvinist. Nor do I think men are evil. I'm level headed. I'm happily married. I trust my husband. I'm fairly above average intelligent. Why couldn't I see that ??"

She says, and very simply though, "C'mon girl. I know you. I know what you are. Please wipe that bewildered-cum-I-accept-defeat look off your face. What happened is simple. You read the forward. And the first thing that struck you was the fact that the person who sent it is a guy and he is feeling proud of husbands all over the world, as in, men all over. Immediately, you being a woman, saw that as a call for battle and picked the woman's side, all involuntarily of course. From then on, all your mind was asked to do is to defend the women kind. And that's what you did. And that's why ur mind refused to see it the other way.

And when you brought it up with your husband, the first thought that struck him could've been , "Yeah, she is right. I don't need to lie to my wife. She trusts me. She would've crossed the bridge for sure."

Now I had the enlightened look on my face . I said ,"oooohhhh... How complicated the mind is."

She says, "Yeah. That's how powerful perspective is. You know one day I met a couple of my school friends for coffee. We hadn't seen each other for like what seemed like a million years. We had to lot to catch up on. And after talking about everything under the sun, we got comfy enough to discuss personal lives. 

Girl1 ( g1) : Hey, I like the bag you are carrying. Very girlish. Like how we used to be in school days. I wish I could be like that now.
Girl2 ( g2 ) : It's not too late. Never late. It's all in your mind and how you feel about urself. It's not about the age. I can get one for you if you like.
G1 : Hmm sigh. I wish I could. But my family thinks it doesn't suit me. Because I'm all grownup now and have to look a certain dignified way, you know, 'ladylike'
G2 : Is it? The bag you are carrying now is swell dear. Let me take a look at it.
G2 : Wow girl. What are you cribbing about. Just buy more of these and carry them along. Wow. That's life man!
G1 : Hey, what about me. I don't like those. I like your girlie bag.
G2 : C'mon girl. At least your husband/family cares about what you wear and how you look. I don't even know if mine would realise I'm not in the room..
G1 : Well, at least you get to be 'you'

Do you see it? Both the girls had different perspectives of the same thing. And though both of them exchanged their views on the subject, neither of their minds was ready to accept the other perspective. If they could see it the other way, they would be happy. Now, I'm not saying they need to always change their way of thinking to be happy. Like, if we change everything about ourselves, what would be left of the original us. Right ? That's not what I'm telling . Just that sometimes simple things have simple solutions, and sometimes big issues might seem small if you used the perspective power.

Well, now, this example is just to point out the fact that the two girls weren't able to see the other side of things even when it was bluntly pointed out to them. One could argue that this is not a perspective thingie, but is a miscommunication or male dominance issue or female over sightedness.. no no, we don't go there. We just sit back and think whether things would've been easier for the girls, if only G1 understood that her husband wanted her to have the best and if only G2 understood the freedom she had in hand.

Also I'm not saying that this is a husband-wife issue. More importantly, (to pamper the girl spirit in me!?!) this does not pertain to women alone. I'm not saying ladies have to change their perspectives. It applies to men as well. For instance

A conversation we overheard from the table next to us. A group of guys catching up over dinner. 

Man1 : ( to man2)  Hey, why do you sulk when you see your wife's call? Is everything alright?

Man2 : My wife keeps calling me often. I need some space. Why does she need to call me couple of times during the day... I think she doesn't trust me.!

Man1 : C'mon man. I think you are overthinking the situation. In my case, my wife is too preoccupied to call and find out about me. You see, the out of sight and out of mind types.

Man2 : She doesn't call you at all is it.. Oh what peaceful life!! 

See, it applies to men as well. Like I said , doesn't pertain to only married couples or couples at all. It's just a thing  between two people. Could be an issue between good friends, colleagues , employee employer, mil-dil, parents and children. Anything, just two people. So the next time something like this comes up, think, "Could a shift of perspective solve this for us. What could the other person really be thinking?"

And saying that she concluded her sermon. I got up and bowed my head in front of her and said ," pranam maataji" ( meaning - greetings oh learned mother ) and she humoured me by letting the palm of her right hand touch my head , as if she were imparting a part of her wisdom to me. I chuckled, bade her goodbye and left ( for now )

And I left as a different person. A person who knows that a slight alteration to one's perspective, or a little will to see things differently, could do a lot of wonders to one's happiness, mental peace and maybe relationships too. And also as a person who is fully equipped and ready to impart this wisdom I learnt today. So the next time you see me, please bow your heads and put your hands together in respect and get ready for my sermon!!!

Jokes apart, the point I'm trying to make is, sometimes our mind tends to think in only one direction, tends to stick to one thought, tends to reach a conclusion prematurely even without  your knowledge. So open up your minds to that possibility and think twice before reacting rude/harsh to a situation. May the perspective force be with you ! 

The lightening enlightenment

All my life, I used to love rain. The pitter patter of the raindrops on the roof, while I stretch my legs adjusting myself to comfort of a cozy chair in a balcony overlooking the rain, with a warm cup of milk in one hand and either a romantic love story or a fast paced thriller novel in the other hand. There was once a time when that was bliss... Hiding behind the curtains to catch a glimpse of the beautiful electrifying lightning, or snuggling in with Amma when the thunder roared, or pestering amma to make hot hot samosas during that time... And as I grew up, a hand in hand walk in the rain with hubby or as the days went, making paper boats for my son to set sail in the puddles that were born out of the first rain of the season... Oh the lovely memories. 

The chennai floods and the devastation they've caused have marred the beauty of the rains for me . Well, that's a whole long story, and a story for another time. For now, the electrifying lightning is the centre of our discussion. What do we know about it? How does it occur? Why does lightning happen? How dangerous is it ? 

Before we get further into lightning, have you guys ever seen these scenarios? You comb your hair

with a plastic comb and see your hair standing at the end? You just remove your sweater and you see tiny sparks. You walk on a carpet barefoot and when you touch the door knob you kinda get a small shock and you withdraw your hand immediately. In the morning, when you get up after a peaceful night's sleep snuggled under your cozy blanket, you see tiny sparks when you remove your blanket. If you need to explain this is to your kiddo, perform the famous plastic comb attracts paper bits experiment. Shred paper into tiny bits. Take a plastic comb and run it through your hair or rub it against woollen sweater/sock several times. Now bring the plastic comb near the paper bits. You will find the paper bits sticking to the comb for a brief moment. All these are small scale versions of the lightning. Similar phenomena, but lightning is very large scale. 

One other thing we need to know about is the cloud. What are they made up of and how are they formed ? They are made up of tiny water particles. Water vapor is found in the air around us. As the water vapor rises into the atmosphere, it cools down into tiny water droplets and sticks onto the dust particles, ice or whatever small particles are present there, thus forming a cloud. These tiny particles of ice keep moving and rub against each other constantly. And when they do that, they rub off charge against one another. Just like the hair and the comb, these particles split up into positively charged particles and negatively charged particles.  And the positively charged being lighter rise up towards the top of the cloud and the negatively charged particles towards the bottom of the cloud. 

When these charges go on accumulating, and when the difference is wider, the electrons flow from the negatively charged side to the positively charged side to ease out the inequality,  thus forming lightning. This is intra cloud lightning. Similarly lightning can happen between two different clouds. Another scenario being between the cloud and the earth. The most dangerous form. It can cause real havoc at the site of incidence. The bottom of the cloud being negatively charged, repels electrons from the surface of the earth or anything that's jutting out of the earth. Thereby making that part positively charged. And eventually,  electrons flow from the bottom of the cloud to the nearest positively charged part on the earth. And the taller the building or the structure, the higher the risk of lightning strike. 

And these electrons while in transit, get so excited, when they return to their normal state they give out the energy in the form of light. And that's the lightning we see. The energy of the lightning is so huge that it rapidly heats the air through which it travels. The heat causes rapid expansion in the air leading to the monstrous thunder we hear. 

That being lightning, what can we do to stay safe ? We have lightning conductors that are placed on tall buildings to safely conduct the huge amount of electricity from the lightning into the earth, thereby avoiding the damage from it. Never stay near the trees during a storm. Try and switch off electric equipment during the storm. And if you see your hair standing straight during storm, meaning your hair is positively charged and you are at a risk of being a victim of a strike. Stay safe. Apparently, staying inside a car, without being in contact with the metal exterior can keep you safe. And that that acts like a faraday cage and could keep lightning away. 

Now, isn't that a new term. Faraday cage!

Just before learning about Faraday cage, let me pose another question. We understand that lightning happens when electrons flow from where they are abundant to a place where there is less of them. So potentially anything that is charged is at a risk. And the charges in the cloud come from constant rubbing or bumping of the tiny ice particles in the atmosphere, we said. What about a plane that flies high up in the air and happens to constantly rub against the particles in the air, or the cloud? Doesn't it sound like it is more susceptible to a lightning strike? Imagine how that would be... (God forbid .. touch wood and all the other good luck charms) Have you even given this a thought? How is the aeroplane protected? 

Two things. One I've to say that the plane also acts as a faraday cage.  (explanation a little ahead). And two, have you ever noticed small thin rods jutting out of the tail or the wings? If you haven't yet, do make it a point to look for them the next time you board the aircraft. For now, I'm attaching a picture of the rods here. These rods are called static discharge wicks. What do they do... give the electrons a way to escape into the air, thereby getting rid of the excess charge.Now the plane is neutrally charged. That minimises the chances of a spark or a strike.

However, in the unlikely event that the strike happens, the plane uses its other line of defence. It's aluminium body. The body acts as a good conductor and keeps the charge off the interior. There we are, that's what a faraday cage is. It keeps the charge on the exterior alone and shields the interior. So we are safe. Phew! A renowned scientist called faraday, conducted an experiment where he lined the exterior of the room with metal and passed current through it and proved that while the exterior is carrying the surge of electrons the interior is unaffected.

How does that work? I found a simple explanation from wikipedia. 

"Animation showing how a Faraday cage (box) works. When an external electrical field (arrows) is applied, the electrons (little balls) in the metal move to the left side of the cage, giving it a negative charge, while the remaining unbalanced charge of the nuclei give the right side a positive charge. These induced charges create an opposing electric field that cancels the external electric field throughout the box."

So the car is a faraday cage. Protects you from lightning. The plane is. New concept, but looks like its all around us right? Let's think of more examples to help you relate to it. Remember sometimes when we are in a lift, our phone conversation gets disrupted because of the loss of signal. I know what you are thinking. Cellphones don't use electricity to communicate. It uses radio signals. Absolutely. These radio signals are some form of electromagnetic radiation and the faraday cage tries its utmost to protect the interior from electromagnetic radiation.

If you are wondering what this new term 'electromagnetic radiation' is .. I'm going to break it up into tiny bits of essential information just enough to understand this article. Electromagnetic radiation has three terms : electro, magnetic and radiation. Remember, electric field and magnetic are inter related and one causes the other and vice versa. Radiation is the energy that is emitted out. To put it simple, energy released when certain electrical charges interact. UVrays , visible spectrum, IR, radio waves, gamma waves, X rays all are part of the electromagnetic spectrum. All waves. All have energy, length and frequency.That said, the faraday cage protects the interior from electromagnetic radiation.

Oh dear. Too technical isn't it? Let's deviate a tiny little bit and talk about something eerie. Yes, you heard it right, I did say eerie. We are going to talk about ghosts now. Spooky!! Do you guyz watch horror movies? That's one genre I honestly keep myself away from. Anyways, I happened to see one episode of a very popular television series called 'castle' where they investigate a murder of a ghost hunter. ( You guys wouldn't believe this .. but as of now, as I'm writing about this spooky subject, my lappy screen just turned on and off and the CD drive just automatically ejected the CD !!!) Hmmm.... back .. to .. the ... castle episode. So, while investigating they learn that ghost hunters use ElectroMagneticField Meter. It's a device that measures abnormal paranormal activity. ( God! I wish I had that with me now!!  ) That's one new term and concept I learnt the other day. Ghosts are or cause some sort of electromagnetic radiation. And that would mean ..... a Faraday cage can technically trap ghosts??? Wow.. what a thought! One other day, I saw yet another episode of yet another popular television series Doctor Who ( Yes, I do watch a lot of these series, but hey, look how informative they are !) , where they showed us exactly the same thing. Faraday cage and ghosts getting trapped in them. What an innovative use of a faraday cage that would be huh...

Some other uses of faraday cage : Electrical linemen wear faraday suit to protect them from electric shock. MRI room in a hospital is designed as a faraday cage to minimize interference from outside. Sometimes, high profile equipments are kept in a faraday cage to protect them from EMP, Electromagnetic Pulse. ( EMP destroys every electrical equipment in the vicinity.) How very handy.

That was about faraday cage. Now back to lightning. Have you ever wondered why lightning is never depicted as a straight line, and why it has a zigzag or a jagged shape? I read from the internet that lightning happens in many small steps. That is, when the bottom of the thundercloud assumes negative charge, the electrons take a leap, the first leap. Apparently, this first leap is only a few hundred metres long. Then, from the botoom of that leap, another leap happens and so on. Similary, the ground which had assumed a positive charge, sends its positive charge up in leaps and in steps. Now each of these steps are independent of each other and they chose their path of least resistance. Which is why lightning is zigzag.

Early men used to think of Lightning as a warning or punishment from God. We still do have that mythological stories talking about lightning as Indra's weapon Vajra, and as Zeus's weapon thunderbolt  according to the Greeks. But that was back then, when we had no knowledge of the science behind lightning. I hope this post has bestowed upon you the lightning enlightenment.  ( Is my heading justified now! Phew! )

Do we get what we deserve?

Isn't that a very interesting topic to debate on? Do we get what we deserve? Or is it just fate that some people are born blessed and some aren't? Or maybe, there is no such thing as fate or deserving-fate, and instead maybe the luck favours the brave and the capable make their own destiny? Which one of it is it, I wonder.

My son and I read extensively, story books, comics, predominantly mythology, encyclopaedias (his age appropriate) children magazines. And one panchatantra story we read, left me thinking. I'm going to briefly outline it here for you guys to help your line of thought.

There once lived a king who had a son with a strange disease. He had a snake living inside him. And that made him real weak. The king used his influence and invited physicians from all over the world. But in vain. No one had a cure for this strange disease the prince carried. After a period of time, not able to withstand the amount of pain caused by the snake, the prince decides to resign from the palace and decides to go spend the rest of his life in a temple, passing off his days in devotion. Now, he didn't want prying eyes and people dropping on and off to give him advice while he was in the temple, so he left to a random country where no one has heard of him or his stature or his disease, and settled in one of its temples.

Now, the scene shifts, and we see the king of this new country with his two daughters. One daughter is always praising her father, always throwing compliments at him just to please him and be on his good books. The other daughter however, is very right and just and says, "May you get what you deserve father, like everyone else". This enrages the king, and he sends this second daughter away and orders his ministers to get her married to a beggar found in the nearby temple. And the beggar turns out to be our very own snake-troubled-prince. The prince warns her about his ailment, however, she tells herself that she will get what she deserved, and agrees to marry him. They lived in a hut.

Now, very interestingly, one day, when the princess was returning from the temple, she saw her hubby lying down on a rock and sleeping and that there were two snakes next to him. One, the one from his stomach , and two, one from a nearby anthill. And that both of them were conversing. The anthill snake scolds the stomach snake for hurting this innocent-God-praying man and tells him that he knows the secret of how to kill him (he furnishes some recipe) and the stomach snake in turn leaks out the anthill snakes secret that killing him would give the killer pots and pots of Gold. The princess thanks God for giving her a way out of all the trouble, immediately prepares that secret recipe and gives it to her hubby, instantly killing the snake. And then both of them hand in hand, kill the anthill snake and get the pots of gold and live happily ever after. The story ends thus, saying, the princess and the prince got their happily ever after which was what they had deserved.

I totally understand. This story was meant to give children the faith in God, and that no matter how hard the times be, we need to cling on to faith and hope, and that there is a happily ever after after all. And I think that's what my son took from the story too. However, my mind began to wander
Slowly, one by one, came the questions. What is the right time to decide when people get what they deserved. What happens to whatever happens to them before that? Well, this story had a happy ending. But not all stories have one. Why is that? What or who determines that?

Some people say, it's your karma or your doing that affects what happens to you towards the end of your life. If that were true, all people who did good, would be leading happy lives. Some yes, but not all. Some say, God decides your fate. So, as soon as one is born on the earth, God decides the timeline of this person and then for the rest of his life, things go the way 'He' orchestrated. As it is something we cannot change, people called it fate. Some questioned, on what basis does God decide on who gets to live well and who gets to suffer. And that, if the basis were just a random throw of a dice, it would be really unfair. Then came the concept of last birth and that a soul takes many births before taking refuge in God himself. So according to what the person did in his previous birth, he gets what he deserved in his next birth.

Hold that thought. I read a very interesting book : The shiva Trilogy, by Amish. He brings in a new concept. In his book, according to the storyline,  people on whom misfortune falls are categorised as the ill fated  and are considered cursed and are supposed to lead a life of a recluse, in the fear that they might pass on their ill luck to someone else. And they are lead to believe that they are cursed coz of some misdoings in their past life. And also that they have to willingly embrace this life and which is the only way they could wash themselves of the sin. The author then tells us ( through a character in the story ) that though these rules seem very unfair, the ruler came up with them to hold together the discipline and the order of the city. That is, these unfortunate if not lead to believe that they suffer because of their misdoings in the past, tend to be angry and upset with the universe for punishing them unjustly. And hence, such troubled souls turn out to be robbers, terrorists, murderers, and prove to be dangerous to the society as a whole.

Meaning, the stories of bad 'karma' of the past may turn out to be just stories to help you resign to your fate. I'm not saying that it true, all I'm saying is, that it is a good line of thought, anything that helps you sleep peacefully at night , anything that helps you from breaking down given your adverse circumstances. Interesting... But given that, do we really need to resign to our fate? Can we change it altogether?

Before I got married, I used to work, Software engineer. One day, when we (a couple of friends) were heading out for lunch as a team, we saw an astrologer (, a palmist to be more precise) on the way. One of the friends suddenly stopped and said, "Hey, let's have fun.. Let's see what future has in store for us". And just to break from our usual routine, all of us took turns to learn about our glorious future. However, one friend plainly refused. He said, "Hey, I make my own lines." As if to say, he doesn't want to tread on the path that has been laid out for him and wants to make his own which he believes is better in every way. We all envied his spirit. That's heights of positive thinking and positive energy. Isn't it? In a good way I mean.

You know, people believe in God for a reason. It's gives them a sense of peace, it helps them shut out the unwanted negative thoughts, it gives them hope at even the direst of situations. To believe in the omnipresent gives you a sense of security, that a person with supernatural powers is watching over you and will protect you when the need be, and also help you achieve the impossible. It works for them. Some people however, do not believe in God, but believe in themselves, their capabilities and go on to achieve great things. That works for them. Some people believe in conscience or the inner voice and believe that is God, and do just their duty and don't expect anything in return. That's what works for them. So ultimately, what works for you depends on what kind of a person you are. So, you can believe in God and achieve great things, you can believe in yourself and still achieve great things, and you can believe that God is not a superpower but is your conscience and lives in you ( that is, a blend of the first two beliefs) and still achieve great things. Right?

Simillarly, 'Do we get what we deserve' is a very tricky question. If you believe you are going through troubled times and that you deserve better and that God has reserved a happily ever after waiting for you, so it is. If you believe in past life karma, and think, things how they are now are because of your past doings and if you accept it and believe that if you do good in this birth, a good life will await you next birth, so it will. If you, like my high spirited friend, want to orchestrate your life and make it better and make it turn out the way you think you deserve it to be, so will it turn out to be.

Belief and Faith, one makes you who you are and the other really does move mountains. Never let go of both of them. Ever. I'm out to move my mountain, I'm sure you've figured out what works for you too.

How well do you know your desserts?

Yummm... Isn't that mouth watering! Well, if you are thinking how the title could be a thought provoking question, you are on the right track. It isn't thought provoking at all. I didn't want to give away the essence of this post in the title itself. However, I assure you it has got to do something with a dessert.

Phew! This suspense building technique is not quite working out well for me. Let me do it the usual way. Today, In this post, you going to learn something new, and learn in it a fascinating kind of a way. It's something about desserts and a bullet !!! Yeah, that's right, I did say bullet. What could possibly connect a dessert and a bullet? Read on.

Let's perform (or rather watch) an interesting experiment. I'm going to place before you 4 kind of desserts : Whipped cream,  ice cream (vanilla flavour), chocolate sauce and english pudding. Each of these desserts are sandwiched between plastic sheets and are left on a table each. That is, imagine a box, plastic on front and back and wood on the sides, containing each of these desserts left on a table of its own. Now, we bring a shooter, a guy with a gun. We place a watermelon behind each one of these boxes  and ask the guy to shoot at the boxes one by one. How do you think each one of them would react to the gun shot? That is, can any of them stop the bullet and save the watermelon from blowing up gloriously? Take a moment to think and get ready with your answer and explanation and then watch this video from natgeo.

Amazing isn't it? I happened to accidentally come across this episode on the television, and the results left me wide eyed. Wow, a dessert that behaves bullet proof. How cool is that! I told this to my son (4 year old) and he asks me "Maa.. isn't that great. Now all that the soldiers have to do is to eat that english pudding before going to war. Nobody needs get hurt"!! I immediately hugged my cute little empathetic son and applauded him for his thinking.

However, imagine a bulletproof vest made from custard like fluid. How revolutionary would that be? ( This could be your debate topic with your kids today. The pros and cons of such a jacket )

Non newtonian fluid, did you guys know that there was something like that? Well, I didn't seem to remember that there was a category called newtonian fluid, leave alone the non-newtonian. So, we learn, non newtonian fluids are the ones that do not behave. So what is the expected behaviour of fluids or the newtonian fluids. Fluids include liquids and gasses. And what do both of them do normally? They flow. Now the resistance to flow is called viscosity. And what would the flow/viscosity depend on? Usually temperature. That is, if you freeze water (say), its flow reduces and it becomes a solid right?

Now imagine, you have a big tub of water and you hit it with a huge hammer in a sudden movement. Observe the water. It's still water. No big deal right? That's a normal liquid or a newtonian liquid. Now, Instead of water, we have a big tub of custard (say) and we hit it with a hammer. We see that when we hit it, it was like we hit a wall. Now we observe the custard. We dip our finger into it and see the custard dripping off our finger. So what just happened? It changed its behaviour with stress and got back to its original state when the stress was removed. Fascinating isn't it? That's exactly what happened to the custard during the gunshot. While hit with a bullet, the custard acted like a wall and protected the melon, however, the very next second, the custard oozed out of the hole the bullet had created on the plastic container. Did you notice that? That's the behaviour of a non newtonian fluid.

You know, what's more fascinating is that, this isn't all. There are types of non newtonian fluids. One kind behave like the pudding, that is, become solid or rigid when exposed to sudden stress. Type two, does just the opposite. Under stress, it becomes more liquidy. Now where have we seen that? Have you ever wondered why you had to shake the ketchup bottle with sudden jerks to get the ketchup 'flow' out of the bottle. Well, because, its another example of non newtonian fluid! Sudden stress, makes it flow-y. And a lot flowy at that. We almost always end up with excess ketchup on our plates. Isn't it? Have you ever wondered why??

Well, imagine the ketchup bottle was made of some metal and wasn't hollow. Had solid metal inside. Now try inverting it. Does the metal ooze out ? No. That's

metal's property, or rather property of a solid. It doesn't flow. On the other hand, fill the bottle with water. And invert it. What happens? All of it flows out. Thats liquid property. Mr/Ms ketchup has some soul searching to do and hasn't yet figured out if it wants to be a solid or a liquid. It doesn't behave. Apparently what happens is, when we hit the bottle hard, theketchup particles get squeezed and are able to move about freely. Once the effect of the pressure dies, they regain original shape and become non flowy again. Do watch the lovely TedEd video from this page.

The third type, continual stress makes this kinda liquid more flow-y or more liquid-y.. Can you think of examples of the same? Honey it is. Keep stirring honey and you will realise that after a while you find it easy to stir. Type 4 is the opposite of that. Keep stirring or keep applying some stress and this gets non flow-y. Example, whipped cream of course !

Exciting isn't it. Normal household items, that we see on an everyday basis at home, custard, honey, ketchup and whipped cream, all of them have been exhibiting different unruly behaviour and we didn't even notice and didn't think to ever question why ! Hmmm .. well there's the thought provoking question !

Some of you parents out there would've heard about this new fine motor aiding toy, the kinetic sand. Incase you haven't please watch this video. Kinetic sand is also a non newtonian fluid. Under pressure (when pressed into a mould), it behaves like a solid, however when you touch it slowly, it could flow like a fluid. It looks fun isn't it? Science is fun!

How about silly putty? Apparently, it was a very famous revolutionary toy for the kids in the 80's - 90's. For those of you who aren't familiar with it, please watch this youtube video ( for those hard pressed on time, watch the segment between 1:15 and  2:20 ). Again, the same thing. It shows non newtonian behaviour. When you stretch it slowly, it stretches like rubber, however, when you stretch it fast, it snaps. And it bounces like a ball! Cool isn't it?

How wonderful is science isn't it? The next time you try and squeeze ketchup out of the bottle, the next time you make custard at home, the next time you see a honey bottle, the next time you are whipping whipped cream at home, remember to tell your kids about non newtonian fluids, or at the least, help them understand that this liquid is misbehaving. Expand their horizon. Encourage them to ask thought provoking questions. The next time you chat with your friends over french fries and ketchup, ask them if they know why you have to hit the bottle to get the ketchup out.

Hey, I almost forgot Quicksand, the gooey otherwise innocent looking mud that is capable of swallowing you whole!! Elders might have told you, shouldn't struggle in a quicksand. Ever wondered why? Its a non newtonian fluid too. It behaves as a liquid under stress, and like a solid otherwise. So the more you struggle, the faster you drown! And did you know, the quicksand being denser than the human body, cannot drown you completely I read (As opposed to the many movies we've seen where the hero so sympathetically had lost his first love to the quicksand ) In order to escape the quicksand, we need to keep and stay calm, (to prevent further sinking) , take deep breaths (apparently to increase your buoyancy) , and slowly try to wiggle your legs towards the surface and monkey crawl on the quicksand to safety. So (God forbid) when in a quicksand, keep calm and remember me (I mean, this article) (Do read the many reference links below to get a good idea about quicksand)

So, science is fun (as seen in silly putty and kinetic sand), science is yummy (as seen is custards), science protects ( as with the promising future on liquid body armour and quicksand), science also lets you brag to your friends about how you know how to get out of a quicksand. Now, how cool is that! I love cool stuff. I love science. What about you?


References and links to some interesting videos you might want to see :
1. battling out of quicksand video 
2. https://www.sfsite.com/fsf/2012/pmpd1207.htm
3. http://sciencelearn.org.nz/Science-Stories/Strange-Liquids/Non-Newtonian-fluids
4. http://science.howstuffworks.com/environmental/earth/geology/quicksand2.htm
5. make your quick sand at home
6. http://www.damninteresting.com/the-physics-of-quicksand/
7. http://laughingsquid.com/an-explanation-why-ketchup-and-other-non-newtownian-fluids-are-so-hard-to-pour/

Disclaimer : This post and the linked videos are not meant as an advertisement to the products. Please don't consider this a recommendation. It was just to illustrate the concept of non newtonian fluids from the very objects/things/toys already available in the market.

Is obedience in a child a good thing?

Ofcourse! What a silly question? Obedience is a good thing. Children 'should' be obedient. That's the one thing we parents expect from the kids, because we feel all the other traits will automatically fall in place.

Obedient children, a rare kind of species, I would say. We definitely do find obedient to a certain extent children in one off households. You would've seen their mothers proudly giving sermons to the other mothers about how to get their children 'under control'. There was a time when I used to look upon those mothers as "guruji's" and listen to their lectures about parenting without batting my eyelids, with deep devotion and intent to grasp the most from it. And then, one day, I had a revelation and I learnt something new.

A not so normal day, something really went wrong, and I ( for once) was the person with the big feelings that day. My son and I were playing and I was stifling my tears over something that was bothering me. He heard the sobs and figured out something was wrong,  looked up and said, "Hey.. you are crying ma". And what came next, caught me by surprise. He said "Amma, stop crying now. Stop crying right now!!" (in an authoritative voice) and goes on to say "First wipe your tears. Then we'll talk"

At that moment, that very moment, I felt two things. One, my son, who I thought would wipe my tears, hug me and maybe even cry with me ( because I'm crying ) , didn't show me even a minuscule of compassion. The second thing I realized was, "Oh no!, so that's how it feels when someone doesn't show you empathy. Is this how my son feels everytime I've asked him to wipe his tears first and then talk later?"

The second thing scared me, gave me a sense of immense guilt and also made me feel stupid, as in, why didn't I see that before? Why didn't I think he, a 4 year old, had feelings too. His feelings however small mattered to him, like how mine mattered to me. Why, why, why did I take him for granted? Why did he have to be obedient and eat up his feelings and wipe his tears and dance to my tunes? Have I been a horrible parent? My mind started shooting questions at me, one after the other.

And when our children rebel and refuse to take orders from us, we strive, we try, and by try, I mean by many and all means, try to get them to 'behave'. And we hang our heads in shame if our children 'disobey' us especially in front of others. I thought, "why do we want them to take orders?" maybe because, that was how we were brought up, or because, we feel we know what is right what is not and the children do not, and that it is for their own good, and above all, they are children for heavens sake, they need to learn to listen. I'm sure many of you would be able to relate to that.

What is this obedience, by the way? It is to comply to the orders/wishes/whims and fancies of an authoritative person. So, two people involved, the authoritative person and the complier. Why would the complier chose to take commands from the authoritative person ? Out of fear, out of trust or out of love. That is, "I'm scared he would hurt me if I don't listen" or "I'm sure it would be for the greater good", or "He would feel sad if I don't do what he said". If you managed to read between the lines, in all the three cases, the complier choses to disregard his feelings about the task. He either does it out of fear, out of trust  or out of love for the other person, immaterial of what he thinks about the command he has 'chosen' to execute.

I can bleakly hear the alarm bells ringing in your heads! So, when we teach our kids obedience, we 'without our knowledge' teach them to disregard their feelings, teach them to suppress their own thoughts. Now, that's dangerous isn't it?

I read a few articles on real examples of obedience and one of it really really caught my attention. There was a man called 'Adolf Eichmann'. Yeah, from the Nazi period. Heard of the holocaust? That time when the Nazis hunted jews and killed them. About 6 million of them and in the event killed 5 million of non jews too. This Eichmann was the person who was involved in organizing , planning the collection, transportation and execution of the people involved. When he was sent to trial, he expressed his surprise saying "I just obeyed my orders. Obeying orders is a good thing". And in his diary he had written," The orders, for me, the highest thing in my life and I had to obey them without a question" ( quoted in the Guardian, 12th August, 1999 )

That's scary isn't it? According to him, all he did was to follow orders. Simply because he had to follow them. But, what did those orders end up doing? Resulted in the death of 11 million people. Not that he didn't know that killing innocents, or killing of any kind for that matter was wrong. He was tuned to prioritise orders over his thoughts.

One could say, "Man.. that is an exaggerated example. Not all children would end up organizing a genocide".  True. But that was just to illustrate the extent of devastation 'obedience' could cause.

Alfie Kohn, the author of a book called "Unconditional Parenting" says its tricky when the obedient child reaches adolescence.  That is,  "If they take orders from other people, that may include people we may not approve of. To put it the other way around: Kids who are subject to peer pressure at its worst are kids whose parents taught them to do what they're told".

Alison Roy, a lead child and adolescent psychotherapist says: "A child will push the boundaries if they have a more secure attachement. children who have been responded to , led to believe - in a healthy way - that their voice is valued, that all they do to is object and action will be taken - they will push boundaries. And this is really the healthy behaviour. Compliance? They've learnt there's no point arguing because their voice isn't valued." So they kind of limit themselves and go with the flow sorts.

And one more thing I learn, children don't just be disobedient. They just react in the only way they know. For toddlers, it's predominantly tears combined with a loud wail bundled with an unruly stamping of the legs or jumping up and down. That's their way of communicating their displeasure. Some are too small to talk. Some have very limited vocabulary. And at that time, we concentrate on  "Why is he not listening to me. I'm the parent here and I say so.", instead of, "Maybe he is sick, maybe he is tired, maybe he is hungry, maybe he is scared ..."  and the million other overlooked underlying issues that might be bothering him or his needs that might be going unanswered. For one, someone might be bullying him at school.

Now, I hope you did not get me wrong. We as parents sure know good from bad, and know what is best for our children better than them, because of our experience and from the wisdom passed on from our parents and so on. I'm not asking you to throw that all away and let your child put his fingers into the plug point or touch fire to see how it feels. All I'm saying is, we guide them about good and bad, and try to reason out with them, rather than using these words : "Because I said so." "First stop crying, and do what I just told you". By showing them some empathy, they know we understand, they know we care, they feel safe and they feel valued. They start thinking on their own and don't hesitate to share it with us too.

The day I had big feelings, I expected my 4 year old to understand what the 31 year old me was going through. But, I, the 31 year old 'wise'-with-experience-mother didn't try to understand the little 4 year old when he had his meltdowns.  How very unreasonable have I been? And when I was sad, I didn't expect him to solve my problems, but I sure did expect him to wipe my tears. Maybe that's what he wanted too, a hand to wipe his tears and understand what he was going through. The more thought I gave it, the more guilty I felt. I decided to leave the past behind and turn over.

I attended a parenting program run by the "Parenting matters" group. They discuss this and a lot more in good detail. I've come across 'hand in hand' parenting through social media, I think, says the same too. (Haven't gone through it in detail yet ) I love learning. Learning of any kind. I believe there's a whole lot of things out there to learn at any age. And I jump at any opportunity to learn. Many believe, parenting can't be learnt and that it has to 'come' to you. I wanted to learn it. And I sure was surprised at the many many things I've learnt over the past few weeks through the parenting program. This was one of the many things I grabbed from there "Obedience is not so good a trait. Don't push it in your children. Don't teach them to suppress their feelings. Teach them to handle them instead."

I ask you today, my fellow parents, would you give it some thought?



References
-------------
http://www.simplypsychology.org/obedience.html
http://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2012/jan/19/are-obedient-children-a-good-thing