Perspective : The way you look at things

Perspective is a tricky concept. Everything looks different and justified ( well, not everything)  if you changed the perspective, the angle from which you look at things. You know, I have a friend, who is a problem-solver and a know-it-all. I think all of us would have one such friend, to whom we go to at the slightest hiccups in our life. Well, who am I to call a problem slight? It's all in one's perspective you see. Do you get it now? How big and vast this concept of a different perspective is... Oh shoot, wasn't I talking about my know-it-all-friend. Sorry I got lost in the perspective maze. The first thing she says to all sorts of issues is, "Try and look at it differently and from the other person's point of view. That by itself will solve most of your problems."

How true is that !! Now the thought for this entire post stems from this one forward

The person who forwarded it is a guy (obviously) and he said that he was feeling proud of all the husbands in the world and their unseen sacrifices.  After I read the forward, the first thing that came to my mind was, "why did the husband have to lie?" He could've told the wife the truth and that she needn't worry because he wouldn't let go of the other end of the bridge at any cost. Wouldn't that have made things easier for the both of them, thought I. And I was unable to see it any other way for quite quite sometime. 

Now, not wanting to hurt the feelings of the guy who had forwarded the text to me, I discussed it with my husband. My dear hubby said, "You are right dear. Why did he lie? I would've told you the truth and you would've trusted me and crossed over. Would've worked for us" After that, I was all the more confident that the husband in the forward was not a to-be-celebrated-man.

I happened to run into my know-it-all-friend a week from then and I brought this up among other things.  (simply because I love a good argument) As usual, she said, "Think from the guy's perspective. What do you think would be running in his mind?" I told her that I couldn't see it any different and asked her to 'enlighten' me. Now, what she said made my head reel.  

She said , "The  husband didn't want the wife to get worried about the broken bridge. Remember she was already scared  of heights and wasn't willing to cross a what she thought to be a good bridge earlier. What makes you think she will be able to cross a broken bridge?? Now, the husband wanted her to cross the bridge and come over to him. He cannot anyways leave his post and go to help her. And if he told her the truth she would never cross it (out of fear) and might lose the only chance of coming over to safety. So he had to assassinate the image she had of him, just to kindle her ego enough to let her cross the bridge on her own. That was the only way he could see it. So he lied to her."

That's it. I was open mouthed. Literally my mouth was open in shock, shock as to why I couldn't see that. Seems a very plausible and an obvious explanation. Why was I not able to see it? My friend shook me, and asked me if all was fine. 

I said, "See, I'm not a bad person. I'm not a biased person. I'm not a female chauvinist. Nor do I think men are evil. I'm level headed. I'm happily married. I trust my husband. I'm fairly above average intelligent. Why couldn't I see that ??"

She says, and very simply though, "C'mon girl. I know you. I know what you are. Please wipe that bewildered-cum-I-accept-defeat look off your face. What happened is simple. You read the forward. And the first thing that struck you was the fact that the person who sent it is a guy and he is feeling proud of husbands all over the world, as in, men all over. Immediately, you being a woman, saw that as a call for battle and picked the woman's side, all involuntarily of course. From then on, all your mind was asked to do is to defend the women kind. And that's what you did. And that's why ur mind refused to see it the other way.

And when you brought it up with your husband, the first thought that struck him could've been , "Yeah, she is right. I don't need to lie to my wife. She trusts me. She would've crossed the bridge for sure."

Now I had the enlightened look on my face . I said ,"oooohhhh... How complicated the mind is."

She says, "Yeah. That's how powerful perspective is. You know one day I met a couple of my school friends for coffee. We hadn't seen each other for like what seemed like a million years. We had to lot to catch up on. And after talking about everything under the sun, we got comfy enough to discuss personal lives. 

Girl1 ( g1) : Hey, I like the bag you are carrying. Very girlish. Like how we used to be in school days. I wish I could be like that now.
Girl2 ( g2 ) : It's not too late. Never late. It's all in your mind and how you feel about urself. It's not about the age. I can get one for you if you like.
G1 : Hmm sigh. I wish I could. But my family thinks it doesn't suit me. Because I'm all grownup now and have to look a certain dignified way, you know, 'ladylike'
G2 : Is it? The bag you are carrying now is swell dear. Let me take a look at it.
G2 : Wow girl. What are you cribbing about. Just buy more of these and carry them along. Wow. That's life man!
G1 : Hey, what about me. I don't like those. I like your girlie bag.
G2 : C'mon girl. At least your husband/family cares about what you wear and how you look. I don't even know if mine would realise I'm not in the room..
G1 : Well, at least you get to be 'you'

Do you see it? Both the girls had different perspectives of the same thing. And though both of them exchanged their views on the subject, neither of their minds was ready to accept the other perspective. If they could see it the other way, they would be happy. Now, I'm not saying they need to always change their way of thinking to be happy. Like, if we change everything about ourselves, what would be left of the original us. Right ? That's not what I'm telling . Just that sometimes simple things have simple solutions, and sometimes big issues might seem small if you used the perspective power.

Well, now, this example is just to point out the fact that the two girls weren't able to see the other side of things even when it was bluntly pointed out to them. One could argue that this is not a perspective thingie, but is a miscommunication or male dominance issue or female over sightedness.. no no, we don't go there. We just sit back and think whether things would've been easier for the girls, if only G1 understood that her husband wanted her to have the best and if only G2 understood the freedom she had in hand.

Also I'm not saying that this is a husband-wife issue. More importantly, (to pamper the girl spirit in me!?!) this does not pertain to women alone. I'm not saying ladies have to change their perspectives. It applies to men as well. For instance

A conversation we overheard from the table next to us. A group of guys catching up over dinner. 

Man1 : ( to man2)  Hey, why do you sulk when you see your wife's call? Is everything alright?

Man2 : My wife keeps calling me often. I need some space. Why does she need to call me couple of times during the day... I think she doesn't trust me.!

Man1 : C'mon man. I think you are overthinking the situation. In my case, my wife is too preoccupied to call and find out about me. You see, the out of sight and out of mind types.

Man2 : She doesn't call you at all is it.. Oh what peaceful life!! 

See, it applies to men as well. Like I said , doesn't pertain to only married couples or couples at all. It's just a thing  between two people. Could be an issue between good friends, colleagues , employee employer, mil-dil, parents and children. Anything, just two people. So the next time something like this comes up, think, "Could a shift of perspective solve this for us. What could the other person really be thinking?"

And saying that she concluded her sermon. I got up and bowed my head in front of her and said ," pranam maataji" ( meaning - greetings oh learned mother ) and she humoured me by letting the palm of her right hand touch my head , as if she were imparting a part of her wisdom to me. I chuckled, bade her goodbye and left ( for now )

And I left as a different person. A person who knows that a slight alteration to one's perspective, or a little will to see things differently, could do a lot of wonders to one's happiness, mental peace and maybe relationships too. And also as a person who is fully equipped and ready to impart this wisdom I learnt today. So the next time you see me, please bow your heads and put your hands together in respect and get ready for my sermon!!!

Jokes apart, the point I'm trying to make is, sometimes our mind tends to think in only one direction, tends to stick to one thought, tends to reach a conclusion prematurely even without  your knowledge. So open up your minds to that possibility and think twice before reacting rude/harsh to a situation. May the perspective force be with you !